We just wrapped up our Equipping Class series on marriage titled “From This Day Forward.” We had five great weeks of conversation, reflection and digging into the gospel in light of who God is and who He says we are. I was so encouraged to see singles working through what they value and how their identity is in Christ. We also witnessed married couples come to see marriage as a testimony to the goodness of Christ and understand its missional implications. It was all wonderful.

We will definitely be offering this class again in the future, but I also want to give you five big takeaways that allow you to reflect or start that much needed conversation about what the gospel looks like in the context of marriage.

Identity

We started the class with a look at our identity and the gospel. This topic must be at the heart of who we are, because it is out of our identity that we are who God has called us to be (i.e. husband, father, wife, sister, mother, friend, business owner, etc.).

In the opening of Genesis 2, God says “Let us make man in our image and our likeness.” We are primarily image bearers of God and our purpose is to reflect and bring Him glory. We are also his workmanship, which means God was intentional and purposeful in creating each one of us; there is nothing random about His decision.

Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

In short, men and women were created equal and distinct, yet with purpose and intention. If our identity begins with our relationship with God, then our roles as men and women aim to display the work and giftings He has provided us with.

Men, be a worker and don’t complain. Ever. If you’re not hanging around other married men and asking questions, you’re off to a rocky start.

Women, ground yourself in the truth of the gospel — not in marriage. Marriage exists to be a dim reflection of what God started in the garden, so surround yourself with godly women who can speak into you in order to help you understand what a godly man needs to look like.

Communication

Communication is key to any relationship, especially a marriage. Don’t tell me that you’re “not big on words.” It’s not only what you say, but how you say it (this includes body language).

Since summer is rolling up and you have some time, read Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages and work through what love languages suit your needs so you can communicate how you are best loved while learning your spouse’s love languages so you can best serve them in their context.

Sex

Read the Song of Songs. It’s in the Bible because it’s a beautiful story about a man and a woman constantly pursuing one another in marriage. Yes, it’s explicit. But it is also honoring because God gave sex as a gift. It is for the purpose of fulfilling His mission — babies and enjoying one another!

Additionally, if you believe sex is the “end-all-be-all” then it’ll be a rough life for you. Sex is a gift from God, but other non-sexual forms of contact and communication are also just as important. In teamwork, you serve one another in order to obtain a goal (i.e. getting dinner ready, who is picking up the kids, planning vacations, getting the house in order, paying the bills, etc.). In friendship you love one another in your love languages for the sake of growing deeper in your relationship. We must be always striving to know our spouses in a more deep and intimate way.

Finances

We are called to give generously because we have been given much, to save wisely and with an open hand, and to spend wisely and intentionally. When you look closely at what you value, you can then set goals as a family that will help you grow in discipline. As you save, do not only save for the purpose of a goal, but for the purpose of loving one another.