A Valentine’s Parable: For all you married men as we enter the Valentine's Day countdown… Revelation 2:5 “Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first; or else I am coming to you and will remove your lampstand out of its place — unless you repent. “
Your father gives you your first car. He tells you that if you take care of it, it will take you through High School, College and into your career. Your father has allowed you to use this car as a “family car” but now he is turning it over to you. It is washed, serviced and well cared for because you really, really wanted to show your father that you were responsible enough to handle a car of your own. Soon you get tired of taking care of it. You only do the bare basics and of course your car deteriorates. Finally you complain to your father that you want a new car. He points out the problem is not with the car but the change in your behavior towards the car. Do the things you did in the beginning and you will have a new car. You do and sure enough it is true or you’re stupid enough to ignore your father, your car finally breaks down and he refuses to give such an irresponsible son another so you have lost out all the way around.
Your Heavenly Father gives you a wife. He tells you that if you take care of her she will last you for a lifetime. Your Heavenly Father has allowed you to date and court His daughter but now He is willing to turn her over to you. You have courted her, dated her, giving her gifts, treated her with gentleness and been willing to talk, listen and spend all your free time with her because you really, really wanted to show both her and your Heavenly Father that you were responsible enough to handle a marriage relationship. Soon though you get distracted and tired of taking care of her. You only do the bare basics and of course your marriage deteriorates. Finally you complain to your Heavenly Father that you want a new wife. He points out the problem is not with your marriage nor your wife but the change in your behavior towards both. Do the things you did in the beginning and you will have both a new marriage and a new wife. You do and sure enough it is true or you’re stupid enough to ignore your Heavenly Father, your marriage finally collapses and your Heavenly Father refuses to give such an irresponsible son another so you have lost out all the way around.
I often repeat in my marriage seminar, “I have never met a married woman who when she was single used to lie in bed at night and pray, ‘Oh Lord, give me a husband who does not come home, let me be alone at night, let me eat my meals alone, please give me a husband who will not talk to me or spend time with me.’”
Gentlemen, you did not have to marry but having done so you are obliged by God to fulfill your responsibilities. God did not give you His daughter in marriage to clean your underwear and provide you with guilt free sex. God gave you His daughter with the expectation that you would care for her emotionally as well as physically. God the Holy Spirit states in 1 Corinthians 7:32-34 ”…One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world , how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided.” To be married is to be both worldly and to live with divided interests. It does not say it is right or wrong, but rather it just is.
Your devotion to your wife extends beyond intentions to actions. It extends beyond feelings to reality. Are you regularly taking her on dates? Do you regularly bring home flowers or other small gifts? Do you regularly text her with loving words? Does she hear daily that you love her? You know what it took to court her, are you living that life today? When you courted your wife you created an expectation of behavior. When you courted her were you living a lie? When you courted her was it all deception and now that you have married her she finds out the real you behind the fraud? By God’s grace this will not be our testimony.
Valentine’s Day is around the corner. Let me encourage you to use this day as a starting point to renew your courtship of your wife. You reply, “Courtship, why court her, I’ve got her?” In so saying your reveal the fraud of your courtship. You are the man mentioned above, the deceiver, who tricked his wife into marrying him. I court my wife. I court her because I love her. I court her because it makes her happy. That is why I court my wife. Why are you not courting your wife? Do you not love her; are you indifferent to her happiness? I would be interested to hear your reasons.
Here are God’s standards for the husband - Ephesians 5:25-31 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
We are to love our wives as Christ loves the church. Christ’s love for the church has remained constant for 2,000 years - what about the short time of your marriage? Christ’s sacrifices for the church have remained constant for 2,000 years - what about yours for the short time of your marriage? Christ love of the church, for 2,000 has depended not upon the conduct and faithfulness of the church but rather the character and constancy of His love – what about yours for the short time of your marriage? Christ’s expression of love for His church has remained constant for 2,000 years, He has spoken to her through His holy Word whenever she desires. He has listened to her confess and petition without diminishing interest for 2,000 years. He has gifted her, blessed her and lavished His graces and mercies upon her for 2,000 years – what about you in the short period of your marriage. You are a hypocrite if you expect Christ to forgive you, listen to you, speak to you through the Word, bless you and comfort you, be always there for you and yet be unwilling to love your wife as you expect Christ to love you. Make a decision – “I am going to court my wife into heaven”. This is what this means – your courtship is not about marriage but about death. Your goal is to enter heaven courting your wife. The shallow goal of courting her till the earthly wedding feast is set aside and replaced with the goal of courting her until you sit at the eternal Wedding Feast of the Lamb. Would she have married you if you had shown your real colors and began treating her halfway through your courtship like you do now? It is not too late for us to all renew our efforts and change our goals. The courtship last until the eternal wedding feast. With this as the standard you will have a great marriage.
My husband regularly, dates, sends me several text a day and cherishes me! I just want to honor him as a man who puts my needs above his own and treats me as a gift from God. Because of the way he loves me I have tangible evidence of how Christ loves the Body of Christ! Because of his dying love and affection for me, I am secure, confident and desire his company more than any other person on earth! If marriage is a picture of Christ love for His Body, well, then I my husband has made me love Christ even more, for he has made that picture into a living portrait of LOVE!
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2/9/14 9:15 AM
