So what "worked" ? Prayer added to time added to music added to time added to medicine. And more time. I was just recently released from any further care of a psychiatrist, and nearly finished with all medications.

But God did not allow me to go through this horror so he could bring me back to business as usual. Things have changed.

During the dark days, my mind would not permit me to go back to anything in my past. It was all scary. That included music. I've been a fan of the quiet stuff. Great harmonies, great voices, great lyrics. The classic Christian collection. Wouldn't work. I've been in the Christian walk for so long that every song reminded me of a place or a person and all those places and persons scared me.

Don't ask. I have no clue. But that's what happened. I was forced into new music. Modern. Worshipful. Other-worldly. Only by reaching out to God could I have even a measure of peace during those days. Hour after hour of worship music.

I was forced to go to places and listen to speakers that had been taboo before. I needed something that many "normal" congregations could not offer, namely the presence of God, and His power.

That's scary business for some. When I say such things, awful images appear before you. Things you've heard, or heard about. Some of them are even true. Some are not.

My theology did not have to change. There is not a Christian anywhere that does not believe in miracles, one way or another. Whether it's C.S. Lewis or some other super-hero of the faith, the doctrine of miracles is in place. What we do not want to hear is that perhaps a miracle is our only hope. And if we do not believe miracles happen in our day, we are finished.

Only those who get to this desperate state of affairs can cash in on what seems to be happening all around us.

I will say for now only that my life, my music, my experience, is different today than when I began to metamorphosize about 9 months ago. Different, and getting better.