During my varsity years I had what people often call "freedom" . I was in a process of "finding myself". Attending different Christian churches, going to outreaches to, supposedly, share the gospel, praying "sinners prayers", standing up in churches, kneeling down in front of pulpits with hands on my shoulders praying out loud, writing things from my past on paper and throwing it into a fire at camps, all this meant nothing because I never understood, I had a "what can you do for me, my Lord" approach to the throne of grace. During that time, as a student, I went out partying a lot, finding a temporary "joy" that only lasted as long as the effect of the tequilas only to find that it only brought regret. A regret originating from selfish pursuit, what would people think of me? Yet I was able to convince myself that I was O.K with God. And when it was absolutely necessary I could grab myself by the collar and be saved. Broken relationships accentuated a void inside and I desperately tried to fill it, once again "turning to God" when I needed comfort. I read some books, trying to tell me how "captivating" I am instead of telling me that I am in fact a "captive" of my own sinful nature and that I stand under God's judgment. I prayed with many people, people who told me that speaking in tongues was the answer, or people rebuking spirits from my past I didn't even understand. All this never coming to realize that I was a sinner and I needed Jesus Christ.