I thank God for having a brother and father who love and serve Him. And who faithfully prayed for my eyes to be opened and heart to be softened. I clearly remember being irritated with my brother, never wanting to tell him anything for he would just use the Bible against me! So unaware that the Bible contains the very truth that I needed to be set free. Sometimes the irritation with my brother grew to such an extent that I deliberately tried to make him angry, by being very judgmental and antagonistic in the way I speak to him, for no apparent reason. I could never understand my irritation and now I realize that I was trying to suppress the truth. I was always shooting arrows at him for "not being normal" for being, what I thought a "holy Joe". Despite my antagonistic attitude, God was so graceful and my brother never stopped praying. Even when he left for the states.
Slowly but surely God was opening my eyes, at the right time, on His time. I still attended different churches and was never a member anywhere, so I had no obligations or accountability. I didn't see the change that I now started to realize was desperately needed. I attended grace Fellowship as well, and God opened my eyes for good. It was as if I heard the gospel for the first time in my life. I mean, I always knew about Jesus, believing that He rose from the grave, that he was the Son of God who died for sinners, but I never thought that verses like Luke 19:10 or Matt. 9:12+13 were speaking about me, I wasn't lost or sick. I wasn't a sinner. I didn't need a Saviour like the "really bad" sinners. I always thought "how could they crucify Him??" So unaware that it was me who nailed Him there. I was after all a "good" person.
But God, by grace, opened my eyes and my heart to understand the contrary, that I need Jesus. I never understood the Bible like that before, in that time period I started to understand the amazing truths that I am a sinner, standing before a Holy God, and that the death and resurrection of His blameless Son was the only means by which I could ever be saved from what I actually deserve.
Since that time period, for I can't really pinpoint an exact date, God has transformed me into a new creature, my heart and my way of thinking. He has created in me a hunger for His word, a love for His people, and a desire to know Him all the more. I am still a sinner, so dependant on His grace. I was saved by God's grace and now I live by God's grace every single day. I have to die every single day for Christ to live in me. And as an African pastor who was martyred put it, my past is redeemed, my present makes sense and my future is secure.
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