Date Night - This week How To Date Your Wife (By Rev. Mahon) Next week How To Date Your Husband (By Eleanor Mahon)
Proverbs 5:18 "...rejoice in the wife of your youth."
Ecclesiastes 9:9 Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.
Eleanor and I have been dating since 1974. I did not begin dating Eleanor to marry her. I began dating her because I liked her and was drawn to her spiritual, intellectual and physical beauty. After we were married this did not change-- it intensified into a burning love. I like and I love Eleanor’s spiritual, intellectual and physical beauty now a hundred times more than when we were dating, which is why I still date her. It is the highlight of my week. I look forward to and plan our dates all week, with just as much fervor and anticipation as I did when we were first in love.
I know many men do not date their wives and I always wonder if it is because of laziness or stupidity-- because I cannot think of any other reason. Next to your spiritual appointments with God, your dates with your wife are one of the most important events of your week. One of the things that surprised me concerning our Date Night was how important it was to our children. They all took pride in the fact that their parents were still very much in love. To defraud someone is to create an expectation which you have no intention of fulfilling. Did the way you dated and courted your wife create an expectation of relationship which you have not fulfilled?
How To Date Your Wife…
Set Up A Weekly Date: Your date night with your wife must be a set date on your weekly calendar. If you commit to a weekly “Date Night,” then chances are, by the nature of things, you will have three dates a month, due to circumstances beyond your control. If you commit to two a month, you will do good to have a monthly date. Anything less than that and it just will not happen. You need to commit to a weekly date night and set this aside on your calendar. When people call you to do something, you say, “We already have a commitment for that night, what other night would work for you?”
Make It Fun not Work: Early in our marriage, we discovered we were using date nights to catch up. Date nights were overrun with conversation about the business of life. As a result, we instituted a working lunch on Thursday. On Thursday we met with the calendar, the budget and our list of issues with the family. We talked, prayed and hashed these out. This meant that we could emphasize romance on Date Night. Both of us knew that if something came to mind we could set it aside because we could bring it up during our working lunch.
Have A Plan: Jeremiah 29:11-12 11'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. 12'Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. God takes time to make special plans for each of as an individuals. If you enjoy and benefit from God’s special plans for you and are not willing to take time to make special plans for your wife, then you are a hypocrite. El and I are very different with very different tastes. If we try to figure out what the other would like to do, the usual result is that neither of us really has a good time. Our solution was date rotation. On El’s night she gets to choose what we do, without any thought of what I would like. The reason this is guilt free is that the next week will be my turn. El will choose a chick flick, Asian food, a play or ballet. I will choose a guy flick, Mexican or Italian food, a sporting or cultural event. We both like to dance so that is where we end up but the prelude belongs to one or the other. (Explanation: A chick flick is a movie where one person suffers and/or dies in a very personal manner, drawn out over 90 minutes or so. A guy flick is a movie where lots of people die, in a very impersonal and indifferent manner, preferably throughout the movie.) Whatever your tastes, come up with a system where you both will have fun. Think about how you courted your wife. Remember how you thought about what she would like, what would make her happy. You should be even better at this now that you are married. Have a plan to keep your wife’s heart, just as you had a plan to win your wife’s heart.
Make it special: Ephesians 3:20 “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think , according to the power that works within us,” When you were dating your wife, did you bring her flowers, did you write her poetry, did you compliment her hair and her appearance? Do all this and more. Do you expect God the Holy Spirit to comfort and nurture you? Then you are a hypocrite if you are not a nurturer, comforter and encourager of your wife.
Be Rested: Friday night was Family Night - that was because I found we were both tired from the full week and relaxing with games with family was easy. Don’t yawn through your date night. It is important--make sure you are rested.
Dress Up: Remember how you put effort into your dates when you courted your wife. Was this a purposeful effort to trick and defraud her? Were you thinking, “If only I can trick her into thinking this will be our life together?” Was your plan to deceive her by courtship only to have her awake from the honeymoon to a life of indifference and being taken for granted? You might not have planned it this way, but if someone from the outside compared your courtship with your marriage, would they come to this conclusion concerning your motives and methods of courting and marrying your wife? Don’t do this. Take these dates seriously. You used to get dressed up to win her, now get dressed up to impress her. Most men come right out and admit they are lazy slobs by telling me that it is just too much trouble. Laziness and sloppiness is a sin. Hard work and excellence are virtues of Christian gentlemen. You may need to repent in this area.
Turn Off Electronic Devices: Eleanor and I see this all the time. We are waiting for our table at a restaurant. There are other couples waiting as well. The husbands are sitting facing one direction, trying to watch the sporting event on the TV over the bar. Meanwhile, the wife is hunched over her electronic device, playing a game or texting. This is called “independent play” and is not a date. Young mothers get together with their one year olds and visit. They put their children on the floor together and give them toys. They say it is “play time” but it is not. In reality, these small children are too young to understand playing together. They play with toys but independently. Unfortunately, many couples have digressed to this infantile level. They call it a date but really it is “independent play time” with their toys. Don’t make this mistake.
Talk To Your Wife: Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,” Husbands who expect God to speak to them daily, often and whenever they open their Bible, yet will not talk to their wives daily, often and whenever the wife wants, are hypocrites. If we are to love our wives as Christ loves the church, then those divine manifestations of His love to us as husbands should characterize our love for our wives. One thing God will always do is speak to us from His Word as often and as long as we want and on any subject of our choosing. Your date night should be characterized by talking with your wife, opening up to her on any subject of her choosing and being as loving and transparent in your conversation to your wife as God is to you.
Listen To Your Wife: Hebrews 4:16 “Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” A husband expects God to listen to him any time, day or night, on any subject of his choosing. He expects to be able to talk to God without interruption. He expects to find a gracious, loving, listening God who will treat him like he is the only person on the face of the earth. No husband, when praying to God, has ever heard God say, “Can’t you just get to the point!?!” The husband who will not do the same for his wife is a hypocrite. Our date nights should be characterized by the same loving attention to our wife’s conversation as God is to ours. It should be characterized by the same loving encouragement of our wives to open up and talk as God does with us.
Make A Public Show Of Affection: Genesis 26:8-9 “It came about, when he had been there a long time, that Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out through a window, and saw, and behold, Isaac was caressing his wife Rebekah. Then (King) Abimelech called Isaac and said, "Behold, certainly she is your wife! …” Song of Solomon 1:2 " May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine.” Do you only want God to bless you in private? Do you want God to hold back His love and His blessings upon your life? Do you rejoice in the blessings of God? If you enjoy and rejoice in the open blessings of God upon your life and yet are afraid, embarrassed or too proud to openly love and show affection for your wife, then you are a hypocrite. Men should know how much you love and are attracted to your wife-- that she is not only married to you but that you are devoted to her. Every action of love and affection tells the world “off limits.” You should be known as the “cute couple.” You should walk hand in hand, not just on date night but whenever you are together. You should kiss her, hold her and express physical affection with her.
Older
Top
