Dear Prayer Warriors, The Habit Of Being A Family 2 Thessalonians 2:15 “So then, brethren, stand firm and hold to the traditions which you were taught, whether by word of mouth or by letter from us.”
It is easier to get out of the habit of being a family then to get into it. The key is to just not think about it. The only habits you don’t have to think about are the bad ones. Good habits are important but they have to be thought about. The longer employed, the easier they become but they can be lost just as easily as started. Unlike bad habits which you have to work at to lose, good habits fall by the wayside as easily as a leaf falls from a tree with the first hint of frost. So, with the first hint of interruptions, good family habits fall by the wayside. However, it does not have to be this way. Important family habits and traditions can be maintained throughout the life of the family-- but it takes both determination and sacrifice.
This comes to mind as tonight is “Date Night” with El. Since we have been married, this has been our habit—to have a date night each week. Family habits and traditions are very important and I thought I would use this blog to share with you some of ours.
Working Lunch Proverbs 27:23 “Know well the condition of your flocks, And pay attention to your herds;”
Through the years, Eleanor and I met for lunch each week on Thursday. This was a “working lunch.” I always had my secretary block out this time slot as it was very important. El would bring the calendar, the checkbook and a list of family and home issues and I would do the same. We would eat lunch together, discuss, plan and talk over the finances, children, home – whatever was on our minds. This allowed us to plan proactively for our children’s needs and not just react to problems. Now you might say that an hour for lunch is not enough. However, if you do this every week, then it is-- as you only have a weeks’ worth of items to discuss and you know those items looming in the future will be covered the next week. One of the real benefits of the working lunch is that it allows for a fun Family Night and a romantic Date Night.
Family Night Ecclesiastes 5:18 Here is what I have seen to be good and fitting: to eat, to drink and enjoy oneself in all one's labor in which he toils under the sun during the few years of his life which God has given him; for this is his reward.
Friday night was Family Night. Now I have to be honest that this choice was a little selfish on my part. I found that we were both tired from the week on Friday nights, so a Family Night was relaxing. (This left Saturday night for Date Night, when we both had enough energy to enjoy one another--wink, wink!) Sometimes we would rent a movie for Family Night and watch it together (I always put a large bag of M & Ms in the popcorn on these nights) but most of the time we played games. In fact, this was so much the norm that the children called Friday night “Game Night.” Each child got to choose a game. Even when the child was too small to actually play the game, I would hold the child in my lap and let them “help” me. We always chose games where winning would not include crushing or excluding a family member. For instance, the game Chutes and Ladders or Parcheesi has a definite winner but it is won by competition. On the other hand games like Monopoly and Risk are won by ruining and then excluding family members one by one. Even in games like Uno I would take out the cards that did “bad things” to your opponents. There is no glory in a grown man beating a child in a game. On Family Night the children were always the winners. I don’t think I ever won a game of checkers, chess, Parcheesi, Chutes and Ladders, Uno or anything else. Our cabinet at home was full of games. Game night was not an option for any of our children until they were in Jr. High and only then if they had a school or church meeting. I am always amazed at parents who feel that they must sacrifice to keep the family together but then do not teach their children this same value.
Proverbs 29:15 “The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” One last note, we did not allow a child to use sulking or temper tantrums to rule family night. If a child had a temper tantrum about the game choice or not winning, that child was disciplined but not the other children. Nor would we allow the child to use sulking to cast a pall over family night. Nor would we allow the other children to become “enablers” by giving in to the sulking child. Instead, the children learned to play together and interact as a family in a happy and thankful manner. If someone needed to be disciplined, that was carried out privately and then the game resumed with no further comment. We intentionally used these opportunities to teach our children to celebrate their own and their siblings’ successes enthusiastically.
Daddy Date From the time our children were old enough to sit up in a high chair I would take them out once each week on a special “Daddy Date.” We would do this on Saturday morning (allowing Eleanor to sleep in) till they were in school. Once in school, I would come out on Friday and have lunch with them in the school cafeteria and then play with them on the playground. When they got too old to eat with them at school, I would check them out of school for lunch at a local fast food restaurant. Then, later, they would rather me pick them up after school and do something. Becca and Sam wanted a “solo” but Megan and Liz always wanted to do theirs together. Discipline and training of children is of the upmost importance but it is also important that they grow up with fond memories of a loving and caring father. When our children get together to laugh, talk and reminisce in our home, two of the things their conversation invariably turns to are “Family Nights” and “Daddy Dates.”
From Dinner to Bed Time Proverbs 1:8 Hear, my son, your father's instruction And do not forsake your mother's teaching;
For us, the raising of our children was always a team effort. When I came home I came home to start my second job, not to take the evening off. My second job was that of father and husband. As El cooked dinner, I would sit on the couch and help the children with their school work. All the children would read out loud to me every day until they were in the 5th grade. They would learn to read without using their fingers. Reading is inseperatable from spiritual growth as we live in the age of the written Revelation of God – the Holy Scriptures. As a student minister I was always amazed at how many college students had trouble reading the Scriptures out loud. Even today I must be careful in a Sunday school class whom I call upon, for so many are poor readers. I wanted better for my children. In addition to reading out loud, I worked with all my children nightly until they could do flash cards of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division from 0 – 12. Then, when they began to have homework and school work, I would help them with spelling and other assignments and test preparations. We would always have them correct every problem on tests they took and have their teachers sign them, even though this was not required by their teachers. Before dinner they would have to practice their musical instruments and do their chores.
When they came to the table their homework had to be neatly done and we would check it each night. Our family would have five evening dinners together each week. After dinner we used the time together around the table to read a Bible passage and discuss it. We also worked on scripture memory and taught them how to pray. After this, they prepared lunches and clothes for the next day and took their baths. Then I would read to them at bedtime and sing a hymn with them. Our children never had computers, TVs, phones (cell or otherwise) in their rooms. Instead, their rooms were mini-libraries filled with books we bought for them. In the evening, until my children were in the 7th grade, I read to them --every night. We read and discussed a devotional passage and then we rotated - a book of the Bible, a Christian book, or classical literature. We read through Pilgrim's Progress, Robinson Crusoe and Tale of Two Cities, for example, all with strong Christian themes.
Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”
The television is the enemy of education. On a number of occasions we just got rid of our TV for a year or so and the family never suffered. In fact, during that time our children’s reading and comprehension scores soared. Parents need to be wise in their book selection. Many parents just allow their children to read books like Call of the Wild, which, in fact, are very dark, when morally uplifting series, like “Silver Chief: Dog of The North” by Jack O’Brien are an excellent substitute. Many parents choose Dickens. Apart from “Tale of Two Cities” and “Christmas Carol,” I found Dickens’ writings to be as dark as his moral life. Instead, choose Anthony Trollope, a devoted Christian and churchman, who wrote an excellent series known as the “Barchester Chronicles.” These are excellent reading. “Men of Iron” by Howard Pyle, and books by Robert Lewis Stevenson, O. Henry and Rudyard Kipling make excellent reading for young men. Publishers like Focus on the Family and Moody Press, I found, to be much more suited for children and teens than some other publishing houses. Moody Press has an excellent biographical series for young readers and the C.S. Lewis series on Narnia is also excellent. The day, though, when you can simply go to a Christian bookstore and pick out any book is over. Parents now must do some research. The same is true with music and videos.
Sunday was a family day of worship at church and then family dinner afterwards at a fast food restaurant so El did not have to cook. Our children grew up seeing us serve in church. Eleanor regularly taught one of our three daughters’ Sunday school classes. I was active in Sam’s Sunday school class. We both sponsored mission and youth activities. We live in an age when many fathers are their son’s baseball coach, fishing or hunting buddy but not their Bible teacher, which I always think is a shame. Sunday night was Breakfast Night - again so El did not have to cook. We had omelets or pancakes for dinner.
When I share this with young couples I am surprised at the response. The modern young parent is, first, aghast at the amount of work this requires of the parent. We live in an age when lazy parents are raising lazy children. The second response is that of feeling compelled to make their children’s lives “fun.” Is it any surprise that we have a generation of children who are unthankful and expect to be entertained – since their parents view themselves more as entertainment coordinators than parents. The Bible has lots to say about the parent’s role and responsibility but I could not find a single verse that spoke of entertainment. Ephesians 6:1-4 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH. 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Older
Top
