We won’t be perfect at spiritual parenting, but by God’s grace, we can be better. This all raises very important and stirring questions: What if you do all of these things and your child turns from the Lord in latter years? Was this all for nothing? Was the child’s “sincere” profession and true understanding of baptism a sham? Were we as parents still blindingly overzealous? What do you do when your supposed “believing” child goes astray?

That’s more than a good question - that’s a stop-in-your-tracks and pay attention question!

Before we get into steps to take with a wayward child, let’s back up a moment and look at how we can parent now to hopefully decrease the likelihood or the intensity of a child’s spiritual rebellion.

Before Spiritual Rebellion Occurs:

Don’t accept the status-quo that all teenagers rebel and walk away from the Lord, that boys will be boys, that girls will break your heart. Those are all things we say to make us feel better about horrible choices and sins that our children are embracing. Those are all ways in which we default to the cultural norm instead of raising the biblical standard. YOU WILL NOT FIND TEENAGE YEARS AS EXPECTED REBELLION YEARS IN THE BIBLE! “I know they are going to walk away from the Lord, but they’ll come back one day” is NOT biblical Christianity!! Don’t allow our surrounding culture to impose its “norm” on your household!

When you teach, when you discipline, when you have family devotions, when you have crisis - in biblical language, when you sit and when you rise, don’t just give the “what”, give the “why”! In other words, we must not only tell our kids what they should and should not do and what they should and should not believe. That is mere moral reform, behavioral parenting. That will run out when the teenage years hit. They will want to decide for themselves what to do and what not to do, what to believe and what not to believe. They reach this point of “determined autonomy” mainly because we have not also shared with them the “why”, the meaning, behind the rule. Talk to them about the character of God, the glory of God, the satisfaction of life, the ruthlessness of sin, the joy of faith - get behind the commandments, behind the expectations and show them the benefits of faith, the reasons for faith and the losses of sin.

Use their childhood grace-acts and their childhood sin-acts as pointed examples of what you are teaching them. When they see their actions directly corresponding with what you have been teaching, it becomes real life for them.

As they grow older, increase their responsibilities alongside their freedoms. Let them see how both coincide and depend upon one another.

Involve them in ministry and in the life of the larger church as much as possible. Live out your faith in your local community of faith so that they equate “my church” with “my spiritual family.” Expose them to more than just discipleship such as SS and children’s programs. Expose them to ministry opportunities, prayer gatherings, missions, and most of all - corporate worship. Let them see real faith in real life in as many expressions as possible! I vividly remember a few members from our church gathering around a couple asking God to please grant them children. It wasn’t too long before God answered that prayer! I was so glad my children were right there beside me during that intimate time of “family prayer”! I want as many markers like that in their lives as possible.

Be encouraged - not every child goes astray, wanders in sin for a season, or spends some time sowing his wild oats. Some children, raised in the faith, remain in the faith, and stay true to their childhood profession of faith for their entire lifetime.

If Spiritual Rebellion Occurs:

Pray. Pray. Pray…… Don’t get off of your knees until they come home to Christ! Keep begging God to intervene in grace in their lives. Call on everyone you know to join you in prayer for their souls! Weep for them.

Don’t dismiss it as just a phase they are going through. To embrace a life of sin is a dangerous, eternally dangerous, path of life. It’s not a phase-it’s a path of destruction! Sin means to destroy your child. Take it serious, gravely serious. Don’t ignore their sin because you do not want to face it or believe it. Hit it head on with prayer. Call it what it is. The path of sin is a path to Hell. The Enemy does not plan to toy with your child for a few years and then let him go!!! He means to kill him! FIGHT! Don’t put your head in the sand.

Don’t doubt God. One of the things Satan wants to do in your child’s rebellion is to tear down and destroy your faith. If you give in, then your child concludes that faith is not so real after all. Satan will tell you that all of your teaching and training and praying was in vain! It didn’t matter; it didn’t make a difference. “See,” he will say, “your child still refused God. God doesn’t care. He doesn’t listen to you.” REMEMBER - Satan is a liar, so he will lie a thousand times to you. God is truth - so go to His Word and stand upon truth!

Don’t fear what God may do to your child for his sin; trust Him! God loves him more than you do. God is not out to zap him; He is out to save him! Give him to God. God may discipline. God may break him. Who knows what God may do? But we do know this: whatever God does to ultimately bring your child to Christ will be for His glory and your child’s ultimate good!! Pray to Him, beg Him, and Trust Him!

Cling to the many promises of Scripture - that’s what they are there for!! Find those precious promises regarding prayer - pray for your child - and cling to those promises! Pray the promises of Scripture over your child.

Keep loving your child but with clear, guarded boundaries. Find the right balance to express your love for your child while disapproving of their flight from God. Sin must not be condoned. Faith must not be compromised. It sends the signal to the child that God overlooks, even endorses, their rebellion. It sends the signal that you don’t really believe what you say you believe because you are willing to change it. Oh for sure, they will react with anger and hatred at first. They will believe you to be judgmental and legalistic and unloving. But they will know for sure your devotion to Christ is primary. Loving them does not necessitate loving Christ less - it will necessitate loving Christ more! Don’t underestimate the impact that your loving, faithful witness to Christ will eventually have on them. (And don’t underestimate the impact of appearing to endorse or overlook their sin either!)

Take every opportunity to remind them of the hope of the Gospel, Christ, and the destructive nature of sin. Don’t badger. Look for those open moments in conversation or life events or circumstances. Share praise reports with them. When their guard is down, love on them.

Be there! When all hell breaks loose in their lives - and it will - be there. Be ready to forgive, ready to take in, ready to console, etc., etc., etc.

Exercise your faith. Believe God. Ask God for faith to believe Him. Ask God for hope and trust that He will bring them back to faith.

Patiently wait. It may take 10 days. It may take 10 years. It may take the rest of your life. It may not find fulfillment during your lifetime. Wait. Trust. Pray.

Don’t get bogged down and paralyzed by questions about your child’s “profession of faith” that you can’t answer! Stick to what you know to be true and pray and live accordingly. To know Jesus is to love Jesus. To love Jesus is to walk with Jesus. Keep fighting for their soul until you see them loving Jesus. It’s the present that matters; not the past. Whether their previous profession was genuine and they soon repent or if their future repentance is their true profession does not HAVE to be answered. The only thing that HAS to happen is true genuine faith and repentance. So keep praying for that until you see it!