I could not resist reading chapter 10 of Spurgeon's Autobiography into an audiofile. It is quite simply the best, and most detailed account, of conviction of sin in an unbeliever's heart, that I have read. The account is of immense help to anyone who is also going through such an experience.
Repentance is essential for salvation. We are to repent towards God, and to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. Before repentance comes conviction of sin. How can we understand our need of a saviour if we do not feel what sin is in our own souls, and tremble at the judgements of God.
Although God does not bring all Christians through the same depth of agony of experience before they are saved, all must repent in order to enter by the narrow gate. If you are a Christian and your experience was not this deep, or prolonged, it is not a negation of your faith, because God deals with each of us differently, and even the tiniest atom of true repentance is a miracle of grace.
Spurgeon tells us about the torture and agony that he went through, because of convistion of his sinsand sin. He also tells us about the horrible and intense rebellion of his own heart, and the stonrg and direct Satanic attacks that he endured. So great was his agony that he even contemplated taking his own life. And yet he was not far from the Kingdom of God, for what was happening to him was a sure sign that God was working in him. If you are also experiencing such terror in you soul, you also may be not far the deliverance which God will give. Look up; look to Him; Cry to Him, and he will hear you.
Someone might say that they experienced very little conviction of sin before they were saved. This does not mean that you are not saved, or that Spurgeon was more saved than you are. The question is have you repented? Although we must repent at the time of our repentance, we continue to do so throughout our Christian lives in this world, and this is part of God's deep work in us to make us more like Jesus, and to enable our spiritual growth.
I commend Spurgeon's chapter to you. I will also seek to record chapter 11 of the same book which is the account of his conversion. If you would like advice, please speak to your own pastor, or comment upon this blog.