Want a thriving church? Want to belong to something that is moving, that is now, that is successful? There are rules to follow for such a desire. Steps you must take. And though you may think that I am a little tongue-in-cheek with my suggestions, I assure you that if you follow these rules, take these steps, you will have what many others have acquired in our generation. Bigness. Popularity.

You deserve to know how they acquired their mega status. Trust me.

Ready? Here is the first of ten steps to creating the finest church in your area, if not your city.

1. Idolize your Leader. Your preacher (minister, elder, pastor, apostle, whatever) must be the number one person, not only in your church, but in the city. He must be known on radio and TV and internet. He will be known by his sense of humor, his positive approach to truth, his inclusiveness, his non-judgmental attitude.

A man of this nature will draw people from every quarter to come and be entertained. They will sit for hours, if need be, under such a man, and beg for more. His messages will be replete with three-dimensional illustrations, humorous anecdotes, and constant allusions to himself and his family.

Speaking of his family, his wife must be beautiful, gracious, and able to fill the pulpit. She must be known as the pastor in the same way as her husband, so as not to offend feminists that will flock to such a congregation.

His children must be of a popular acceptable number, maybe two or three. Large families tend to be looked down on in this age. The children must not be held to the Biblical standards of discipline, so as not to make the leader seem cruel, and especially, out-dated. His life will model the growing sense of lawlessness so abundant in the culture.

Set this man up as the standard-bearer for your church, and all else will flow from that standard. Slowly but very surely the church will begin to look like the man in front.

Do not worry about the Biblical requirements for church leadership, namely a plurality of (male) elders, all of them apt to teach. Other Biblical requirements may be used if your people will allow it, but keep in mind that what was written was for the first century church, not necessarily the 21^st century. Keeping up with the times, the culture, is key to the success of your church.