A young woman who I’ve talked to for more than a year - in and out of the doldrums of suicide, shame, and bondage - has been set free by the liberty of the gospel today. From childhood, she was sexually abused by her pastor in a church that’s supposed to preach Christ. Here is her confession of His saving work today, less than an hour after suicide came back to mind:

I feel like whether I was raised with a perfect childhood, I would have still come to this point.

The abuse is partly to blame

But also there is sin in me

The abuse just gave it a platform to manifest

Only grace can fix me

And it will

It took me a while to realize

My sister shared it with me today

She was abused too

She was living like me too

But she said it wasn’t until grace that she stopped trying to fix herself

Yes she has a child out of wedlock

She’s repented and living happy with Jesus

I can see her glow

But as for me I was trying to fix myself

Trying to cast out demons

Trying to be good enough

Instead of accepting the free gift

I was feeling suicidal because death is better than offending God who I have been trying to appease

But it seems he’s already been appeased

Because the Lamb was a worthy sacrifice

Could my zeal no respite know

Could my tears forever flow

Thou must save and thou alone

So just as I am

Straight from five or more relationships

God says come

And I hear him say child of weakness watch and pray

Cause Jesus paid it all

And yes maybe my therapist was right

Maybe I had a thousand Jezebels

But Jesus was able to cast out legions

I believe he has for me too

I cannot fulfil Deuteronomy 28-30 on my own

It is been fulfilled

I needn’t crucify myself

He’s already been crucified

As for behavioral change therapy

Futile

It is finished

On the cross

I needn’t do anything but come

And it’s not an emotion I feel

It’s an agreement with the Holy Spirit

It’s my spirit crying Abba father

It’s me saying I can confidently look into my former lovers eyes and say I am as white as snow

Though I was filthy

Though I was defiled

What can wash away my sin

Nothing

And indeed nothing

Nothing but the blood of Jesus

He is my righteousness

Not the Bible that I can freely quote

No...not the church positions

I am free

Because of Jesus

Not because of this 40 day fast I was trying to do

There’s a sorrow that leads to death

This was the suicidal one

But there’s this one...

That has led me to the cross

Why I’m I saved?

Because of Jesus

Have I slept with over 10 men?

Yes

But Jesus paid it all

And for him I forsake all

No need to cast out Jezebel

She was eaten by dogs...

She’s defeated

She can’t dwell in me because I am a temple of the Holy Spirit

It was a sweet sweet sound

Even though I have heard it a million times