This Valentine’s Day, make a commitment to love your wife as Christ loves the church.
Gentlemen, what worthwhile endeavor or possession can be maintained without planned maintenance? To expect something--be it a goal, a possession or anything of value to be maintained without maintenance is a nonsensical. “I have a car, I never read the maintenance guide, nor have I maintained it. It just quit on me. It must have been a piece of junk. My neighbor’s car runs fine – some people have all the luck.” “I have a yard, I have never read a lawn maintenance guide, nor have I maintained it. It is dead, ugly and an eyesore. The yard that came with this house is a piece of junk. My neighbor’s yard is beautiful – some people have all the luck.” I am nearing retirement and have nothing in savings, I am in debt and have no way to sustain myself afterwards. I never attended a seminar, read a book or got counseling. My neighbor has his house paid off, is looking forward to early retirement and is sitting pretty – some people have all the luck.” In all the above, if you get counseling, if you start reading, if you set goals, you will succeed. For those who do, it is not a matter of luck but of hard work and planning. It is the same for your marriage. It is both nonsensical and delusional to think your marriage can be maintained without counseling, training, study and intentional planning.
In Ephesians 5:25 - 27 God the Holy Spirit teaches husbands “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” That means that those passages which reveal Jesus’ undying love for the church should, as well, be reflected in a husband’s undying love for his wife. It also means that any husband--who expects Jesus, the Creator of the universe and Author of man’s salvation, to love him-- yet he, a sinful maggot and worm (Job 25:6; Psalm 22:6), will not deem to love his wife in the same way--is a hypocrite. Don’t do that! Don’t be a hypocrite. Things do not end well for hypocrites and you do not want to be found among them when Jesus comes back. Matthew 24:50-51 “the master of that slave will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour which he does not know, 51 and will cut him in pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites; in that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
I. Forgive – If we love our wife as Christ loves the church, we will forgive her. As the brutalized body of Christ was raised naked and nailed to the cross to be bled out, He prayed, " Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 22:34) Any so-called suffering, embarrassment or offence that you have experienced at the hands of your wife is as nothing compared to the suffering, embarrassment and offences that Christ suffered because of you, in order to procure your salvation. If you expect Jesus not only to forgive but also to suffer for your sins, but you are not willing to forgive your wife for hers, then you are a hypocrite. If, after a lifetime of bringing the same old sins before Jesus with the expectation of forgiveness and then not be willing to accept your wife’s confession of the same sins over and over and over and over, willingly granting her forgiveness, then you are a hypocrite. If you expect Jesus to pay for (Mark 10:45), forgive (Ephesians 1:7) and forget (Isiah 43:25) your sins, even when you do not confess them, and you are not willing to pay for and forgive and forget your wife’s unconfessed sins then you are a hypocrite. Don’t do that! Don’t be a hypocrite. Willingly pay for, forgive and forget your wife’s sins, both when she asks and when she does not.
II. Listen – If we love our wife as Christ loves the church, we will listen to her. We love Hebrews 4:16 “Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Each of us turns to God in time of need and expects an immediate audience, as if we were the only Christian in the world. We talk to Him about our problems, we confess the same sins over and over, we ask Him for things without fear of rebuke or derision. It never occurs to us that Jesus has anything better to do than to sit and listen to us. We can talk for a minute, an hour, a day, we can talk all night. When was the last time you went to God in prayer and Jesus said, “Really! At this hour?!? Why can’t you talk to me about these things at a decent hour???” He has never said that and will never say it and you are a hypocrite if you expect the God of the universe to stop what He is doing and treat you like you are the only person in the world and do not do the same for your wife. If your wife is hesitant about interrupting what you are doing, if she is afraid to tell you about a mistake she made, if she is worried about a request she has, then you are a hypocrite. If you do not encourage her to talk to you (as Jesus does you,) if you are not willing to sit up and listen to her all night (as Jesus will with you,) then you are a hypocrite. If you treat talking to the God of the universe as a virtue and then shame your wife for talking too much to you, then you are a hypocrite. Don’t do that! Don’t be a hypocrite. Be a listener and encourage your wife to talk, talk, talk.
III. Talk – If we love our wife as Christ loves the church, we will talk to her. Jesus Christ assures us in John 15:15 "No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.” God tells us all about Himself. He holds nothing back. Do you want to know about Creation – He will tell you. Do you want to know about the end times – He will tell you. In fact, God is literally an open book. If we are feeling insecure about God’s love for us and we go to the Bible to be reassured by John 3:16 or Psalm 23, we will never find that the pages are blank and, instead, in bold print it says, “I told you I loved when I saved you, when I stop I will tell you. Quit being so needy.” God never tires of telling us of His love, devotion and care. If you go to God’s Word to hear of His love for you and you do not say on a daily basis how much you love your wife, then you are a hypocrite. If you expect the God of the universe to be a talker, an open book in His relationship with you and you are not the same with your wife, then you are a hypocrite. If you expect to hear God’s Word on demand but are not willing to talk with your wife whenever and wherever the mood strikes her, then you are a hypocrite. If you expect to spend eternity at the Marriage Feast of the Lamb (Revelation 19:9,) if you expect Jesus to come into you and fellowship with you as if over a meal (Revelation 3:20) and you are not willing to come home and eat evening meals with your wife and family and fellowship with them, then you are a hypocrite. Don’t do that! Don’t be a hypocrite. Every day by word, by text, tell you wife how much you love her. Be an open book to her. Talk to her as much as she wants. Don’t be a hypocrite.
IV. Lead – If we love our wife as Christ loves the church we will lead her spiritually. Let’s return to Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Now take note of verse 26 “…so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word…” If you expect Jesus to nurture and lead you spiritually but you will not take the time to do the same for your wife, then you are a hypocrite. God the Holy Spirit does not say, “See that it gets done” but He says “Do it!!” If you do not pray with your wife, if you do not share over the Word of God with your wife, if you are not active in your church with your wife – then you are a hypocrite. Don’t do that! Don’t be a hypocrite. Love your wife as Christ loves the church.
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