Husbands - What to do as a husband and father to insure being a mother is a blessing to your wife - Proverbs 31:28-29 & 31 “Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: ‘Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.’ Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates.” God the Holy Spirit reveals to us in this passage that expressions of love, honor and appreciation are modeled by the father and it is the father who sees that the children are trained in such a way to be a blessing to the mother. God the Holy Spirit teaches us in Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The honor, respect and lofty position of the mother in the home is the responsibility of the father. Let’s consider this verse point by point: 1. “her children rise up” - What do you do to apply this verse in your family? I am going to share with you some things that I implemented in our family. Now you do not have to do what we did but you have to do something. You are free to say, “I don’t think that will work in our family” – I have no problem with that, not everything that works in one family will work in another. However, when I respond “Great, no problem, what do you do to apply this passage in your family?” then you cannot simply say “Nothing.” As I repeatedly say in our Marriage Covenant seminars and Family Discipleship seminars – “You don’t have to do what we do, but you have to do something.” a. In our family, the children were required to stand (“rise up”) behind their chairs at meal time until their mother was seated. Now as I said, you do not have to do what we did but you have to do something. You cannot simply ignore this passage, relegate it to a “saying” like Aesop’s fables or declare “We do not know what this means.” God the Holy Spirit has spoken, what do you do to apply this verse? We live in an age whereby people process difficult truths by simply not thinking about them. What is your response to this command? Is it to process it and come up with an application or to simply not think about it? 2. “bless her” – Fathers, if I were to ask you to list five things you have worked into the weekly routine of the family to ensure that your wife is blessed by her children, what would be your response? We all know that worthwhile endeavors simply do not just “happen.” Whether it is budgeting, dieting, sales quotas or work deadlines, if you do not think about it but, instead, live by good intentions-- you will fail. It is no different in the spiritual realm. We may agree that daily Bible reading, memorizing Scripture, rising early in the morning to pray, faithful church attendance and witnessing are all noble, Scriptural endeavors but to agree upon this and not plan is to ensure that it never gets done. Again, it is the same with the command by God the Holy Spirit that a mother’s children “bless her.” We cannot expect the children in the home to be mature enough to plan for this-- rather it is the responsibility of the husband to do that. So, again, I ask, what are the five traditions you have started in your home to ensure that being a mother is a blessing to your wife? Here are some things we did: a. Meal time – For the husband to come home at night and preside over the family meal is a great blessing to the wife and mother. Children were not allowed to eat till their mother took the first bite. “Please” and “Thank You” were the norm. The children stayed at the table until they were excused. No comments concerning the meal were allowed except that which were thankful and praiseworthy. The dinner table was a place of honor and praise for the mother. b. Words – The children were expected to be respectful and polite to their mother. Arguing, shouting, rolling of the eyes, walking away or any other rude and disrespectful behavior was forbidden. c. Occasions – The mother’s birthday, wedding anniversary, Christmas and Mother’s Day were all celebrated and this celebration was planned. The children were expected to all present their mother with cards (either bought or made) on these occasions. It is a sad commentary on your role as a father and husband if the school is more faithful in guiding your children to make cards and gifts for their mother than you are as the father. If they are too young to have their own money, then the father gives them projects to do in the home so that they can earn enough money to buy their mother gifts on these occasions. d. Work – Another way the children honor and bless their mother is by treating her like a mother and not a maid. This means they do house work. In our home the children set, cleared and did the dishes at meal time. They made their own bed, washed their own clothes and cleaned their own bathroom. They had jobs to do around the house. e. Public behavior – A mother should experience the blessing of having her children sit quietly and reverently in church. She should be able to take them to the doctor’s office without being humiliated. She should be able to enjoy shopping without coming home exhausted and with a headache. She should be able to take them to the park, run errands or attend family events without being embarrassed or humiliated by their out-of-control behavior. 3. “her husband also and he praises her” It is often said about spiritual training that “More is caught than taught” and this is also true when it comes to speech in the home. A husband who has developed a marriage lifestyle of praising his wife will, by default, build this trait into his children. This is most easily done in three settings – meal time, in the car, at church and family outings/gatherings. “saying, ‘Many daughters have done well but you excel them all’” When was the last time you compared your wife favorably before your children, outloud, to the other women in your family and church? 4. “Give her the products of her hand and Let her works praise her in the gates” When do you praise your wife before others? At meal time? In the Sunday School class? At family gatherings? At parties or events? In the car? It is a sad commentary when a woman receives more recognition at work, at church and in her social group than she does from her husband and children. A. Sons and daughters - What to do as an adult child. Remember Mother’s Day is not “Procreation Day” or “Conception Day” but rather “Mother’s Day.” It is not a time when we celebrate our ability to conceive and bear children but rather to celebrate our mothers for conceiving and bearing us. When we celebrate Mother’s Day and, in celebrating mothers all year long, we do not look in the mirror but at the picture on the mantel or wall. 1. Have her picture prominently displayed in your home - This says to all, “In this home our mothers hold a position of honor.” 2. Communicate regularly – There was a time in our culture when a hand-written letter was expected from children. Then came the “Greeting Card” revolution. But for mothers who had grown up in the hand-written letter generation, these greeting cards did not carry the same emotional weight. Then came the phone revolution. You could now call your mother, but for those mothers who grew up in the greeting card culture these calls, though appreciated, were just not the same as a birthday or Mother’s Day card. Then came the cell phone revolution and texting. Yet for those mothers who grew up in the phone culture, a text just did not carry the same weight as a phone call. Technology continues to advance but, as it does, in our regular communication with our mothers, we must reflect on what is most meaningful to them, not simply what is most convenient to us. It is nothing less than a sin for children not to speak with their mother on special occasions. No birthday, anniversary or holiday should pass without your mother receiving a call from you. In addition, you should give her a call at least once a week just to see how she is doing and assure her of your love. Another important means of communication are things in her home that “communicate” your love to her that she can look at – your picture and family pictures, flowers and gifts, such as a special coffee mug or tea cup--all communicate your love to your mother. 3. Help her out – Offer to do her taxes. Elderly women are often taken advantage of by service people so you be the one who takes her car in for service or make arrangements yourself with the repair man. Get her set up on her computer, her cell phone or her IPad. Take the initiative, help her out. A regular question, “Is there anything I can do to help you out?” 4. Write her letters – I can guarantee you two things if you will take the time to write your mother a letter. First: When she dies, you will find a stack of mail held together by a ribbon containing every hand-written letter you sent her. Second: When you look at this stack it will show evidence of having been read and reread many times. 5. Visit her – Widowed or senior mothers have a pecking order at church and in any social setting to which they belong. There are those who have stories of the visits by their children and those who do not. The more recent and frequent the stories, the higher in the social pecking order she rises. You can be a great blessing to your mother, both in her love for you and her standing in her social circle by visiting. When my mother was alive I was blessed to live in the same town with her the last ten years of her life. During those years I strove to take my mother out to lunch or visit her in her apartment once a week. It was my wife Eleanor who shared with me what a great blessing this was to mom, not just to see and be loved by her son but in her life at church and the community in which she lived. B. What not to allow/do - 1. Proverbs 10:1 “But a foolish son is a grief to his mother”. – Do not cause her grief by your words or actions. Simple – if anything you are doing causes your mother grief, stop doing it. Start the list – hair, clothing, body piercings, tattoos, etc. Now if your behavior is either specifically commanded or forbidden by God’s written Word, then you pray for your mother—otherwise, do not cause her grief. Not everything you do will make your mother happy, but nothing you do should move her to tears or depression. 2. Proverbs 15:20 “But a foolish man despises his mother”. – Cambridge Dictionary – “to feel a strong dislike for someone or something that you think is bad or worthless:” Do not look down on your mother but cultivate a practice of thanksgiving both in your prayers and in your speech. 3. Proverbs 19:26 “He who…drives his mother away Is a shameful and disgraceful son.” – Fathers, do not allow your children to push their mother away when she wants to hug or kiss them or be hugged or kissed. 4. Proverbs 20:20 “He who curses.. his mother, His lamp will go out in time of darkness.” – Fathers, make sure you protect the children’s mother from their speech and you protect your children from the dire spiritual consequences of saying harsh things to their mother. 5. Proverbs 23:22 “And do not despise your mother when she is old.” - -As a mother ages, she becomes vulnerable and even an embarrassment to those of hard and judgmental hearts. Remember, when you were a baby you were never a burden or embarrassment to her. Think of yourself as a small child – the jokes your mother laughed at, the rambling stories she listened to, all the messes she cleaned up. Now in the care of her during her waning years, give her the same grace she gave you. 6. Proverbs 30:17 “The eye that …scorns a mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, And the young eagles will eat it.” Fathers, do not allow your children to look or act towards their mother in a disrespectful manner.
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