Proverbs 31:28-31
28 Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
29 "Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all."
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.
“We have a Mother’s Day and a Father’s Day, why don’t we have a Children’s Day?” This was a regular question from our children. As adults, they will all chime in when this story is told and add-- “Because every day is Children’s Day!”—which was the response they always received. There is a great deal of truth in that statement. But, according to holy Scripture,
everyday should be Mother’s Day. Although we have been blessed with loving and caring children, it is unfortunate that, in our present culture of narcissistic child-raising and man-child marriages, some mothers are more likely to be nothing more than the servant of the dysfunctional family.
Biblical parenting and family maintenance is hard work, but it is not centered upon the child. Instead, it is centered upon Jesus and done in conformity to His holy, eternal, inerrant written Word. In the Christ-centered home, in subjection to holy Scriptures, being a mother is not just a great honor, but a great blessing. In the worldly home, into whose mold many families have been squeezed, being a mother is often a perplexing embarrassment and, though most mothers will not admit it, far from being a blessing. As a result, many young mothers have no desire to bear more than the obligatory two children.
Not only this, these mothers, after giving the best years of their lives to their children, can expect these same children to demand even more – even to the point of expecting them to raise their grandchildren--often playing the guilt card. These grown children threaten that “if you do not do this I will put them in a pagan day care.” Or they say, “We still need money. You supported me sacrificially for 20 years, now don’t expect us to support you for your last 20 years. Instead, we still need your money, your time and your possessions.” Or, “Of course you sacrificed, saved, scrimped and planned for our college education, wedding and to get us started in life--but don’t think for a minute your healthcare or comfort during your last 20 years has even come into our thinking.” We have seen several of these situations develop.
This should not be. In the Scriptural world view, mothers are held in honor by their children--both in the home and during their senior years. Christian children recognize the sacrifices of their mother and happily plan for their care.
Let’s reflect on this for a moment. This first segment of the blog will ask you as a child to consider the sacrifices of you mother. And I do not mean the saintly mother. I do not even mean the strong Christian mother. I mean the mother who loved you and did the best she could with the information she had at the time. Unless she is one of the small percentage of mothers who are crack heads, herion addicts, dissipated alcoholics, prostitutes, satan worshipers, cultic priestesses or psychotic abusers (either emotionally or physically or both), then your mother gave it her best shot and deserves to be honored. If she is one of these just mentioned, then you have a guilt-free walk on this blog. If, on the other hand, she is one of the legions of married or single mothers who sincerely desired to be a good mother and really did make a try at it, then I would encourage you to read on and reflect.
Consider what you did to your mother during the first 18 years you lived with her in her home. Now I know that some children will protest – “my actions do not count because I was a child.” God the Holy Spirit, however, does not give you a pass on this. In Ephesians 6:1-3 He states “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.” Your sins are sins – whether committed as a child or as an adult. The fact that you do not remember an abuse or act does not free you from the fact that you did it. I guarantee your mother remembers everything that I am listing below. The fact that you do not is a reflection, not on your innocence but on your guilt.
1. Your very life put her in the hospital – Yes, that is right--you put her in the hospital. Has she ever done that to you?
2. You damaged her body – Have you ever written your mother a thank you note for what she suffered physically, mentally and socially in order to bring you into the world? Have you ever reflected on the blood loss, the irreparable stretch marks, the varicose veins and the joint damage you did to her? Has your mother ever done anything even close to this to you? Has not her obsession been your health and well-being?
3. You threw up on her – yes, as a baby--but who cleaned up your vomit during your childhood and into your teens? Every time you had the stomach flu your mother was there for you.
4. You urinated and defecated on her – yes, as a baby, but also later during early childhood. Who cleaned up your bed when you had an accident?
5. You screamed at her – as a baby, as a child and--you may not remember it, but as a teenager. How many of your friends would even speak to you, more or less love you with all their heart, if you spoke to them in the manner you spoke to your mother?
6. You ran the other direction when she called you. You don’t remember it, but, many times, your mother had to chase you down. Again, you may say, “but I was a child,” but this in no way mitigated the embarrassment she felt, nor the fact that she continued to love and care for you. Later in life, as a teenager, you walked away as she was talking to you.
7. You lied to her – that’s right, little lies, like “I don’t know who did it”, “not me”, don’t blame me,” “why are you looking at me” to big lies. You lied throughout your life to your mother, yet she still loves you and trusts you.
8. You were demanding – as an infant, as a child, as a teenager, as a college student and into young adulthood. You expected her to shop for you, give you spending money, sacrifice so you could enjoy life, adjust her schedule and put her own life on hold in order to give you precedence. It never occurred to you to do these things for her. You were in her life to be served, not to serve.
9. You were unthankful – Want proof? Have you sent a personal note thanking her for her sacrificial care of you as a baby? Have you sent a thank you note listing all those things she did during your elementary years? Have you sent a thank you note for her putting her life on hold for you during your teen and college years? Look through the list up till this point – how many thank you notes have you sent for the things she did? How many, “I realize how selfish I was and, in contrast, how loving you were – Thank you!” Ever sent her thank-you flowers “just because?” Ever taken her out to lunch just to say “Thank you?” Ever asked her forgiveness for being so unthankful? On your birthday, do you expect her to recognize you or do you send her a thank you note for the sacrifices she made to bring you into the world and raise you? Just how unthankful are you?
10. You rolled your eyes at her – how insulting, and yet you did it almost as a lifestyle while you were in her home? You looked away, you looked down, you rolled your eyes and sometimes laughed. Would you treat your friends like this, your boss, your pastor – no, but it never has occurred to you to write your mother a letter of thanks for all that she forgave you and that she loved you no matter how rude and disrespectful you were.
11. You slammed your door in anger – you had an argument, you were told things you did not want to hear, you were forbidden to do things, for your good, for your protection, because your mother loved you and you went to your room and slammed the door. Who else besides your mother, the one who loves you more than any other person on earth--including your pastor, your siblings and your spouse – who else but her would you treat with such rudeness and disrespect?
12. You consumed her money and time--not as if it were yours, but as if it were owed to you. Has it ever entered your mind, in your wildest imagination, to pay your mother back for all that she did for you? Now that you are out of school and working and independent, have you ever considered sending her a monthly check of fun money? You consumed, you spent, you broke, you lost and you wore out her possessions. Do you ever reflect on which friend you have that, if you treated their money and their possessions like you did your mother’s, who would still be your friend? Yet she still loves you. You say it was her job as your mother. Really? Show me the Bible verse. You created that job description--not God. Yet she loves you and still she is willing to sacrifice to make you happy, even though long since you should have been taking care of her.
13. You lost your temper with her when she did not meet up to your expectations. As a baby, you would scream in her face if she did not do what you wanted her to do. As a child, you would kick and cry and fall on the floor if she did not do what you wanted her to do. Later, you would raise your voice, interrupt her, and, as she talked to you, you would shake your head. It never occur to you to hold your temper and it has never occurred to you to write her a note asking forgiveness and thanking her for her unconditional love.
14. You gossiped about her with your friends and even laughed at her. Yes, you did, didn’t you? As a child you complained to your friends, as a teen you laughed at her behind her back, even as an adult you tell stories about her to your friends. For some reason, you do not think it is gossip and slander if it is directed at your mother--the one person who loves you more than any person in the world.
And yet, she remembers none of these things and loves you as if they never happened. What about you? Your mother’s shortcomings, the things you resent about her-- they pale before the list of your sins against her – yet you feel that you are the one who has been wronged. Show me the verses where mothers are supposed to obey their children. Show me the verses where mothers are supposed to honor their children. Show me the verses where mothers are supposed to order their lives in such a way as to make their children the center of the universe. Show me the verses where mothers are to work hard to aspire to a position where their children approve of them. There are none – this is the upside- down narcissistic world created by today’s children. All the things in this list are spoken by God to children, not to their mothers.
We should all reflect back on these 14 points concerning sins which children almost universally commit against their mothers. Can you say that your mother has done these things to you? Go down the headings – which if any of these has your mother done to you? Think of the scales of offenses. If you were weighed against your mother, where would the scales tip? Now, add to your side a selfish lack of consideration. A narcissistic failure to reflect. A self-absorbed perspective of the relationship. An unthankful and ungrateful heart in terms of practical expressions such as thank you cards, phone calls and luncheons. In our next blog we will present some practical applications on the subject of - “Honoring Our Mothers All Year Long”. Between now and then, I would encourage you to think through on your own applications in your relationship with your mother. |
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