Eat a meal together every time without exception.

You know what you really want in a group. You want grace, vulnerability, confession, prayer. You want folks to open up and invite one another in. You want everyone to feel as though they are safe, among friends, that they will be accepted even if seen for who they really are. The Biblical word for this is koinonia and the step right before it is called socializing. We are human and as a result cannot jump straight to genuine, robust Christian community. We must work our way up to it. Meals provide a perfect means of doing so.

But do we have to have a meal every evening we meet? Yes! If you are flaky about providing and organizing meals, some will come full when you have food and others will come hungry when you don’t. Meals are an essential part of the evening. They take time, planning, and money especially for families. And, having everyone spend that time, money and planning on a corporate meal will only enhance the social aspects of the meal. Betty will bring salad, Bonny will bring the bread, Brad will go straight to group from work and not have to come late because he had to figure out dinner first.

Oh, and make sure the meals are really good. They don’t have to be great; it’s not dinner for two after all. But they need to be good especially here in Acadiana. Making good and delicious meals is kingdom work and can and should be done to the glory of God. So do it with excellence. Share recipes! Compliment one another! Set the bar high! Feast like you are happy to be with each other and in God.

Ask for commitment and then commit every week without exception!

If you want genuine Christian community to develop it will take time from all involved and it will take commitment from all involved. Lay this reality out before everyone at every meeting. Let them know what you are striving toward and what it will take to get there. Ask directly that they would join with you and commit to a specific amount of time to work toward building Christian community.

Then, once having obtained everyone’s commitment, you will have to earn their continual commitment. This means you must never skip a meeting. I mean don’t cancel ever. If you approach Christian community with a flaky attitude, so will they. If you find it only mildly important, so will they. But, what if I have to be out of town for some completely unavoidable reason? Then have your apprentice whom you have been working with take over for you. But even then have the group in the same location. A call to consistency demands consistency in the leadership.

Humans are not so much formed by the goals we set for ourselves. This is of course what the world would tell us: just believe and you can achieve! But I would submit that we don’t become our goals. Rather, we become our habits especially our daily and weekly habits. We are products of the habits we choose to participate in. So, for the sake of those in your group who desperately need genuine christian community, form some good habits by consistency and then watch as that habit forms the folks in your group. Eventually, people will work their lives around your group date and time and you will have no problem with growing in attendance. In fact, your growth in attendance will become a new type of problem.

Choose or create a hospitable meeting location

Now, this tip may get some push back and that’s fine. You may not have much choice in the matter of where you can meet, but I would challenge you to at least think about it. The room in which you meet needs to be conducive to the size of the group. If it’s too small and everyone is crowded, its just not wise hospitality and you will suffer the consequences. If the room is too loud, lay down some rugs. If your neighbor has a cock fighting ring going loud and proud and mostly loud, then do something about that too (inside story… :)). But, don’t just consign yourself to an inhospitable situation.

Don’t be the guy or gal with all the answers. And, don’t let someone else be.

People walk away from great groups saying, “Wow, what a great group!” They don’t ever walk away from a great group saying, “Wow, he has all the answers!”

Have something prepared for the children.

Perhaps allow moms to alternate caring and teaching the children. If you are in Christ Church, then your kids probably get Christian education everyday, so in that case a movie is okay. But, if you have children that desperately need more, then give them more. If you have a meal, the mom who has to care for the kids won’t feel like she missed out so much.

Don’t hoard your folks.

Take a break at a set time (every ten weeks or so) to allow for people to switch to other groups, or create new groups. Then communicate to everyone in the group that they are free agents during the break and need feel no sense of duty to your group. If you hold too tightly to them, they will fly away faster. If your ego is fed by having a large group, you will soon have no group at all. People can read subtext and will know subconsciously that you are just using them and that’s just not hospitable.

And, a few more

• Contact members of the group during the week. A facebook group may suffice.
• Outside of parents do not ever leave a child alone with an adult especially an adult male. This will create an opportunity for accusation and at a minimum make parents feel unsafe.
• Make sure you invite extroverts to attend and introverts to talk. A good conversation and a good setting for conversation must be cultivated and cared for. Extroverts will need to be invited and then perhaps not called on at times. Introverts will need to be encouraged to speak. Let them know that wha they have to say is important and helpful. Eventually, you will see your introverts open up and be genuinely impressed by what they have been holding on to.