O God, be merciful to me the Sinner. O Lord, I cannot undo my past sins - when I consider them, they are as vast and deep as the ocean. Like a troubled sea, they assault my soul and I am not at rest. I am not at rest because of my sins - sins too many to number - even remember. But Thou knowest them all. Not one is unknown by You or forgotten. All must be atoned for - every one of them or else I will be lost. Sins of my youth, sins of my now, sins of omission and sins of commission. Even as the numberless children of Abraham are my sins - sins as numerous as the stars of the heaven and the sands of the sea. How could I ever atone for so many sins, so great of sins, so terrible of sins? If I lived a thousand lives perfectly how would that undo what I have already done? But alas, I cannot live perfectly, for sin remains in my heart. It lives within me and I have not mastered it. Again and again and again have I sinned. It is an appetite I cannot satiate. Again and again and again have I asked forgiveness only to sin again. Sin, sin everywhere and oh how my soul does weep. Sin, sin everywhere and the horizon, oh how bleak. But dare I ask yet again for Your forgiveness? I who have so frequented the throne of mercy seeking remission of guilt? I who have so solemnly pledged my love and allegiance? How can I come again before You? How can I even dare ask for You to look upon me? Oh how I have offended You. I have been brash with so honored a Guest, callous and brutish. My presence must be abhorrent in Your sight! A stench in Your nostrils. My life must be considered a monstrosity, my presence cumbersome. Why You spare my life I know not, but I am grateful. For the greatness of my sins will plunge my soul into the eternal and bottomless abyss. Oh God have mercy upon me the Sinner! I cannot raise my eyes too Thee yet again. I stand in such shame. Please do not cast me away for ever! Lord, have mercy upon me the Sinner! (TLW)
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