When we first went back into lockdown (at the end of December) I knew we would not be obeying, and I felt fear. The first time I encountered the police in January again I felt fear. But in the last couple of weeks I have known something different. Instead of fear of the authorities, fear of penalties, fear of prison, fear of being separated from my family, I have felt joy, exceeding joy. I can't remember a time in my life so precious. The sense of the Lord's favour and smile has been more precious to me than life. Along with that joy has come a supernatural boldness. The anxiety and the fear are completely gone.

But now I know another kind of 'fear' - a fear that this will all come to an end, things will go back to 'normal' and this precious season of visitation will be past. I fear that this opportunity for blessing will have been missed by the majority of pastors and churches. I fear that the churches will go back to their lukewarm condition. And I can't help but fear that I will miss the blessing of further suffering for Jesus.

I understand some will see this is an unhealthy martyr's complex. Let them think what they want. I actually know now why the early Christians longed for martyrdom and sometimes even put themselves in hazard's way that they might die a martyr's death. The latter went too far. But I understand now the sentiment.

I didn't understand before, but now I do. I knew I was supposed to rejoice and be exceeding glad, but I know now its more than possible... indeed, the two go hand in hand. Persecution for righteousness' sake brings with it heavenly blessings most Western Christians know nothing about.

So, no, I am not personally afraid of prison. Part of me wishes for it. I have even considered abandoning the legal fight (though I think it is my duty to contend as far as I can in the courts).

Truth is, I would rather go with Jesus into the prison than enjoy my freedom without Him. And I have this sure confidence that if I should be locked up even briefly, that there the Lord will commune with me and I with Him; and I wouldn't give that opportunity away for anything in the world.

And I expect, too, that there I would have the opportunity to gather a congregation of prisoners to praise Him. It may be there are 'unreached' in those places waiting for pastors and elders to come and preach to them. And who am I to say no to such a privilege?