In all other adversities a man is still a friend to himself, favors himself, and reaches out his best considerations to bring in comfort to his heavy heart. But in this he is a scourge to himself; at war with himself; an enemy to himself. He doth greedily and industriously fetch in as much matter as he can possibly, both imaginary and true, to enlarge the rent and aggravate his horror. He gazes willingly in that false glass which Satan is wont in such cases to set before him, wherein by his hellish malice he makes an infinite addition both to the already unnumbered multitude and to the too true heinousness of his sins, and would fain, if he will be led by his lying cruelty , misrepresent to his affrighted imagination every gnat as a camel , every moat as a mole hill, every mole hill as a mountain ; every lustful thought as the most unclean act , every idle word as a desperate blasphemy, every angry look as an actual murder, every intemperate passion as an inexpiable provocation, every distraction in holy duties as an absolute rebellion, every transgression against light of conscience as a sin against the Holy Ghost. Nay, in this amazedness of spirit and disposition to despair he is apt, even of his own accord, and with great eagerness, to arm every several sin as it comes into his mind with a particular sting, that it may strike deep enough and stick fast enough in his already grieved soul. He employs and improves the excellency and utmost of his learning, understanding, wit, memory, to argue with all subtlety, with much sophistry, against the pardon ableness of his sins and possibility of salvation. |
