Dear Prayer Warriors - This is the last of a three-part series on marriage, which follows our opening message on The Covenant of Marriage, given at Big Sky Baptist Fellowship in Helena, MT. Next week’s blog will be – Sharing Christ At Easter.
God is clear on the definition of the Covenant of Marriage. It is a specific Covenant between God and Man. There is no such thing as the mythical "genesis marriage.” In this erroneous teaching, the union of Adam and Eve was some sort of meld between creationism and evolution, where Adam and Eve woke up to discover each other and began living with each other, apart from a covenant with God. Nothing could be further from the truth. First, God was at work in every step of the union of Adam and Eve. Second, the creation of Eve was purposeful on the part of God and she was intended for marriage with Adam. In addition, they did not simply find each other--they were brought together by God. Lastly, it is clearly taught that God performed the marriage covenant of Adam and Eve and consecrated it with this command. God the Holy Spirit states in Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Thus, Adam and Eve did not simply find each other and start living together and having children. They were brought together by God and joined into a covenant of marriage by God. One man, one woman, joined together by God--creating a new family, for life. This covenant is reiterated throughout Scripture. Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. Matthew 19:5 '...FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'? Ephesians 5:31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
What, then, do we see in terms of the Marriage Covenant? 1. Created by God 2. Defined by God a. Between the children of Adam – mankind b. One Man and One Woman 3. Made with God a. Must be a formal covenant with God, cannot be done by default or evolved into b. The husband and the covenant– Malachi 2:14 Malachi 2:14 "Yet you say, 'For what reason?' Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant." Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” c. The wife and the covenant – Proverbs 2:17 Proverbs 2:17 That leaves the companion of her youth, and forgets the covenant of her God; Psalms 45:10 Listen, O daughter, give attention and incline your ear: Forget your people and your father's house; 4. The couple and the covenant – Matthew 19:4 – 6 Matthew 19:4-6 4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read, that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, 'For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh'? 6 "Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." 5. The state and the covenant – Romans 13:1 Romans 13:1Let every person be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. 6. The Church and the covenant– Hebrews 13:4 Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Ephesians 5:3 But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; 7. The Marriage Covenant is, by nature, binding a. The question of divorce 1) Malachi 2:16 "For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." 2) Mark 10:9 “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
What about divorced and remarried couples, are they bound by the Marriage Covenant? Divorce and remarriage is not the unforgivable sin but neither is it to be ignored.
Divorce is a serious sin. The modern church, in an effort to not offend the many members who have been divorced and remarried, has downplayed this sin to an astonishing degree. A young married couple is more likely, in the 21st Century protestant church, to see in the bulletin a class for recovering divorces or a class specifically for older divorces where they can mingle, than they are to hear a message or class on “The Sanctity of Marriage and the Sin of Divorce.” In fact, in the modern church, it would be viewed by most to be highly insensitive and offensive to do a series of Bible readings on divorce. Never-the-less, God has some very serious statements on divorce in the Holy Scriptures. Matthew 5:31-32 31 "It was said, 'WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE'; 32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Malachi 2:16 "For I hate divorce ," says the LORD..."
On the other extreme, you find misguided zealots proclaiming that divorce is a unique and virtually unforgivable sin. They say that those who are divorced are in a state of sin and those who are divorced and remarried are irrecoverable adulterers. Nothing could be further from the truth. First, God forgives and forgets the sin of divorce once confessed, just like God forgives and forgets any other sin when confessed and from which one has repented. Secondly, the adultery spoken of by God when the divorced person remarries, is not a unique and heinous sin in the church. Jesus Christ clearly teaches that not only are divorce and remarriage adultery, but, equally so, is lust. Those men who judge divorced and remarried couples for committing this sin one time, are themselves guilty of the same sin on a daily basis. Matthew 5:27-28 27 " You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; 28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Also, divorce and remarriage is different from fornication and adultery, in that it is a one-time sin and not a state of sin. The person who is divorced and remarried is under no more of a stigma than the person who, at some point in his past, either looked at pornography and confessed it, or, as a single person committed fornication on a date and confessed it. These sins are not a lifelong stigma, nor is the person who committed them under an obligation to continually and publicly make them known in acts of confession and contrition. Those who have divorced and remarried are to confess, forget and live a life devoted to God just like any other sinners. Those divorced and remarried are not to re-divorce their spouse and seek to remarry the former spouse, nor are they to divorce their spouse and live as single. They are to simply confess this sin and press onward to the upward call of Christ. Divorcees are not condemned to a life of singleness, nor should divorced and remarried individuals allow themselves to be condemned by hypocrites who are themselves serial adulterers by virtue of the sin of lust.
I want to stress, though, that this is not the case for those living in fornication or adultery. It is an insult to group divorced and remarried individuals into the same camp as those living together. This sin of living together outside of marriage or sleeping around must not only be confessed but the lifestyle must change. Fornicators are to either cease from fornication or get married. Adulterers are to cease from adultery and return to their spouses. Fornication and adultery are not less of a sin because the people are living together but, instead, more of a sin. Rather than just committing adultery or fornication upon a whim, those who are living together outside of marriage have settled into a lifestyle of fornication, adultery and sexual debauchery. They are wallowing in this sin and they are actively rebelling against God.
Let's agree on some basic truths from the study: God is clear on the definition of marriage. It is a Covenant made with God, the state, the family and the church, between one man and one woman. Anything else is sin. Fornication, adultery and homosexuality are all equal sins in the eyes of God and must be so as well in the eyes of family and church discipline. Living together and having children is not the moral nor the spiritual high ground, nor the halfway point, nor a step in the right direction. For someone to say, well at least they are living together and having children is like saying of a car thief, “well at least he is taking care of the cars, fixing them up and making a good living out of it.” The decision to marry after years of living together does not mitigate past sin and rebellion against God. This couple may not simply say, “never mind” and then get married. They must confess their sin, repent and be able to testify that their past behavior was wrong. Getting a girl pregnant does not make one a family nor does it make one a family member of the extended family. Those who condemn fornication and adultery are not harsh, legalistic nor the bad guys. Those who impose church discipline on fornicators and adulterers are not the bad guys. To overlook fornication and adultery in the church or family is not an act of mercy nor of grace but rather an act of disobedience and rebellion against God. By overlooking this sin you join in it. Man does not have the spiritual authority to arbitrarily decide what is moral or immoral or what is disciplined and not disciplined in the church and family. The sins of homosexuality, fornication, or adultery are neither mitigated nor muted because a close friend, family member or prominent church member commit them. When we misapply grace, we disobey God, we devalue the Word of God, enable sinners to continue in their sin and we cheapen the sacrifice of those in our family and church who are sacrificing and suffering to obey. The sin of divorce and remarriage is not to be confused with the sins of fornication, adultery and homosexuality. When divorce and remarriage take place, a sin is committed. However, those who are living together outside of marriage or having sex outside of marriage are in a state of sin.
The application is three-fold: First – the church must return to a strong and straightforward teaching and proclamation of the sins of fornication, adultery and living together outside of marriage. Second – Church discipline must be applied to those members of the church who are fornicators and adulterers with multiple partners or with one, by living together outside of marriage. Third – Family members must not, on the one hand, enable the promiscuous couple who are living together and, on the other hand, cheapen the sacrifice of those family members who are true to God’s Covenant of Marriage, by treating family members who are living together in sin the same as those who have entered into God’s Marriage Covenant.
By His mercy, II Corinthians 4:1 Rev. John S. Mahon Director: Grace Community International
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