As I began to look at Christ's command to be reconciled to others that I have offended, it struck me how greatly this applies to a father' relationship to his family. I see so many parents investing years to protect their children from external forces and influences that would harm their souls. But then they lose their children's heart from harm that is done at home. Sometimes this harm comes through the Internet. But all too often, parents lose the heart of a child because their is a spirit of anger and criticism in the home. I say this because I have been guilty of this in the past and have seen the effect on my own children.

Now there is good news. I have the heart of all 8 of my children today. And I even have the heart of the 2 children that have married into our family. And my grandchildren love me too. I am a blessed man. But the journey has not been without some bumps in the road. I had one daughter who was hurt for a year because in a moment of frustration I called her a "knucklehead." The situation demanded some parental attention because another child did not have proper oversight and could have been harmed. But that did not give me an excuse to call this daughter a name in front of her friends. Another daughter spent several months with chronic insomnia and had occasional episodes of self-mutilation. Some of this was attributable to listening one time to music that promoted a spirit of rebellion. But most of the blame lies at my feet. She told me that when I am terse or short with my words to my wife, she feels a spirit of anger coming from me. And it causes her to have problems with her own self-acceptance.

I thought I had anger under control. I don't raise my voice. I don't hit people or things. I never point a loaded gun at anyone. My own dad did all these things. (In fact, I was the one with the gun to my head.) So I thought I was a nice guy who had conquered the spirit of anger. But the terse communications, the harsh looks -- all these were properly seen by my children as symptoms of anger. When I realized this problem, I asked my kids to just come up and put their hands on my shoulder and rest them there without saying anything whenever they see me getting angry. I soon learned that they sensed my anger much earlier than I did.

Now I haven't achieved that state of character where I never get angry. My children have never seen their mother angry. In fact, in 34 years of marriage, I have never seen her angry. I wish the same could have been said about me. But I can say that it has a been a long time since my kids put their hands on my shoulder to signal me about the problem of anger. And I can say that my chief qualification for ministry is that my children all love the Lord and I still have their hearts.

I must admit, however, that I begin each day with a prayer that God will not let me blow it that day. I can find other churches to pastor, other jobs to perform. But I only have one chance to do the Daddy thing right. And I have only once chance to make this marriage work.

Sin makes conflict inevitable. So there will always be conflict. The question is whether we resolve the conflict and restore the relationships or we simply expect others to deal with the hurt and get their act together. The problem is that time does NOT heal all wounds. Our harsh words, our critical spirit, our unfavorable comparisons all work together to cause us to lose the heart of our spouse, our children, or others about whom we care.

Jesus is the great Reconciler. He reconciled us to God by His own death on the cross. Paul tells us in Philippians 2 that Christ had to humble himself to the death of the cross. There is a good clue for us dads. We need to do the same. It takes humility to initiate reconcilation. You have to admit that you were wrong when you hurt someone with your words, actions, and attitudes. You have to ASK FORGIVENESS and then pursue a restoration of the relationship. But some of us are so ingrained in the "It is my way or the highway" attitude that we fail to see that we are advertising our own right-ness while losing our righteousness. We are asserting our authority while losing our family. As God told Cain, the sin lies at our own door.

It is time for God's people to start admitting their own culpability in damaged relationships. It is time we quit blaming others and blaming society for what is happening to our families. You can still raise godly children in this perverse age. You can still have a dynamic church if you can persuade sinners to reconcile with one another.

Thank God for sending Jesus to reconcile us to Himself. There will be several lessons on this one command of Christ. I believe it is one of His most important and needful commands. It is ignorance of this command that is causing families and churches to fail. Study this command. Listen to it. Memorize it. Know that God does not even accept your worship to Him when you fail to reconcile to others. This is a big deal to God. It needs to be a big deal to us. May God keep me from offending someone today with my own sinfulness. And may God grant me wisdom to think before I speak and to help me honor the special treasures that are the hearts of my wife, my children, and my friends.

What is the most important goal for your family besides just glorifying the Lord Jesus Christ? It is keeping the hearts of your spouse and children. In the light of eternity it does not really matter how many academic accolades your children have. The financial success or wordly credentials achieved by family members does not matter. But what does matter is whether you keep and treasure their hearts. Someone once gave me a picture frame that says, "A rich man is one whose children run into his arms even when his hands are empty." By that definition, I am a rich man. May God keep me from blowing it today!

Keeping the hearts of our children is hard. But getting them back after we have lost them is harder still. Be sober, be vigilant, for your adversary the devil is walking about as a roaring lion seeking to prey on the hearts of your children and to devour your relationships.