Raising children in a biblically based Christian home is naturally one of the central focuses of parents. Children are not left to grow up like weeds. (Proverbs 29:15) This takes huge effort on a daily basis, consuming the energies and emotions of parents who truly care about doing what is right and loving. You who have been there know what I am speaking about—this is a war, and it is a war you must win. It is a war of love that requires devotion to God's agenda for parenting.

This kind of intensely focused work requires a remarkable unity between husband and wife. In my experience, there is nothing like raising children together, to help you to understand your own sinfulness and that of your spouse. You see the rebellion in your young children, you see the same ugliness in yourself and in your companion. It is a rough journey of self-examination and dealing before God with your own sin, both personally and interpersonally. When you feel as if you are not winning the battle with your children's willful disobedience, how your own heart is impacted by your own willful disobedience. When you look at your wife, frazzled from a long day of struggling against all appearance that she may meet with success with her own dearly-loved kids, you know that it is going to take ongoing, deliberate, intentional love to remain devoted to one-another. A friendly smile and soft, kind words when you least feel like it. Stroking her back down into the bed as you get up to clean up vomit or diarrhea in the early hours of the morning. Choosing to make her feel special, even if she can see that you are just trying to make her feel special. What I am saying is that bringing up children is demanding and requires devotion—yet it is a kind of devotion that requires an even higher devotion; the devotion of husband and wife. A devotion that can weather the blustering years of parenting. A devotion that can release those dear children into the arms of their future spouse. A devotion that after all of those years still finds unmatched contentment in just being simple companions.

As we consider the issue of grief in this series of blogs, it is this devotion that is left bewildered at the death of a spouse. Yes, where there are children, the devotion to their upbringing remains a passionate and loving burden. But, that deep, deep, greater devotion to a spouse stumbles aimlessly into emptiness, finding no place to rest. Because this devotion was deliberately cultivated over such an extended and emotional and varied stretch of time, it proves to be a very difficult passion to simply switch off. That, sadly is what a grieving person is called upon to do. This is one of the reasons why God calls death an enemy. (1 Corinthians 15:26) Every time this yearning to find a place to settle this devotion is disappointed, the consequences of sin come to mind. This is the type of emptiness sin brings. The companionship of marriage is the wonderful intention of God. Death is the salary of sin. (Ephesians 5:25-27, Romans 6:23)

One of the reasons God permits suffering in the lives of believers is to purify us. (Psalm 119:67) Suffering certainly does that. What purifies us too is remembering the past consequences of sin. (Romans 6:21) I can certainly say that the gutting emptiness caused by the severing of intentional married devotion, performs two services. It makes me hate sin. It overwhelms me with joy in the never-ending devotion between Christ and His bride that has already begun, and into which His people will soon be received. In marriage we vow to love our spouse until we are parted by death. What a joy that this line will never be uttered in the marriage supper of the Lamb!

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