November 11, 2007

Struggling with the “cross”. What is it? What is it for me? North Korea and some solid preaching have brought the cross squarely before me, and as I have tried to move in NK’s direction I am finding just how averse to the cross I really am. I’m so set in my ways, so stubborn. So in love with my food and my culture. I never realized all of this. I am also so paralyzed by fear of flying that the whole idea of going there keeps getting put on the back burner.

But no one is excused from the cross. Let me see what the Scripture says. A little a day.

1. Luke 9:23. One of the defining passages. If anyone wants to follow Jesus he first denies himself and second takes up his cross every day. That’s a whole life right there. He adds that saving your own life is really losing it. Losing your life for Christ is really saving it. Is there ANY way I have done this? Is there any way I can be called a crucified saint? Totally dead to my own selfish desires and totally alive to His? Who lives for Christ in this way? He goes on to bring in the idea of gaining immense material possessions being vanity. And the thing about never being ashamed of Jesus. All of this is bound up in the idea of the cross.

So it’s not just a piece of wood upon which one is impaled, as the Filipinos do every Easter. But that is not to say it is not painful. For the rich young ruler it was death to his finances first. But not to say that he wouldn’t wind up on a cross later. Until we are with Jesus I imagine there must be constant dying. Paul was as good as dead several times. But we are not all Paul. But why not? He was forgiven much and had nothing to lose by being extravagant with his love. The one who is forgiven much loves much.

My love has been so shabby and small through the years. I have never wanted to do something extravagant for someone. I have not cared enough for family members and those closest to me, but my heart has often reached out to suffering in other countries. So it is happening now. Much pain for North Korea. Much desire to be a part of helping them. But still little consistent desire to go where they have gone: to the cross of severe suffering. My little attempts at “relating” - fasting, eating only vegetables for a few days, planning short flights—have ended in failure. Yet the call to the cross is real. To get on and stay on. They do it. Why not me?

Jesus said the cross is a daily thing. Pick it up every day. He knows we tend to lay it down from time to time. Maybe every day? So first thing in the morning must come the mind-set: pick up the cross, go to the place of execution.

Jesus only died one time. But His direction was always Calvary. Anything that kept Him from that goal was rebuked and avoided. I am not called to excruciating pain and loss and physical death every minute of every day. I am called to be ready at a moment’s notice to have these things happen to me. The cross on my shoulder lets everyone know: this is a condemned man. He has no life of his own, no plans, no hope of anything lasting on this earth. He’s headed for certain death.

...to be continued...