With thanksgiving and a light heart, I returned to work today, October 5, after a long night of illness.

Those who have trouble with God's healing abilities may not want to read on. But, although medication was a factor, there is no doubt in my mind that had I not been pointed to deeper worship, believing pray-ers, the Word of God, excited preaching, conferences here and there, and a praying nurturing godly wife, I would not have made it.

It all started on the night before our flight to Korea. I was, frankly, terrorized by fear of flying that far. Goes back to a bad flight several years back. But the flight was OK, and when I got there I rejoiced and thought I had put all fear behind me.

I didn't realize that the combined toll of angioplasty in January, a rather stressful job, and the coming problems on this trip was becoming too much for this senior. The next problem was a neighborhood in Seoul where people attend bars all night. Outside. Outside our window. I could not sleep.

Soon I could not eat. Anxiety set in. Depression. I was burned out but had work to do. And the work, listening to the sometimes awful stories of North Korean defectors, also took its toll. I was in a downward spiral.

We tried to come home early. Too expensive. Then I tried relief from medication. Helped at night, but the anxiety continued and worsened all day long.

I thought that when I got back to the States, things would settle down, I'd be soon driving my little Echo to work, attending services, teaching Sunday School. Life as usual. It wasn't to be. Things got worse.

I visited the emergency room twice. Started seeing a psychiatrist. He called it post traumatic stress disorder. Was placed on heavier meds.

All the while, we were crying out to God. People came to my house. I went to meetings. I visited individuals with a reputation for great faith. Received counsel. Begged God for my sanity to return.

The Psalms came alive. The ones where David or someone else is crying with desperation to God, and God doesn't seem to be answering.

I fell in love with worship music. Much of the young, modern music that I had so despised was all I could listen to now. The old music reminded me of old situations, memories. I could not bear to look at the past. Also could not watch TV or listen to the radio. Everything made me afraid.

After much prayer, and much care, most of it from my wife, one day it began to break. I was suddenly hungry, and did not have to force feed. Sleeping slowly returned. A smile. Tears. Enjoying the outdoors. The cloud lifted.

I can't tell you how good it is to be enjoying abundant life, better than ever. God used this horrible scourge to find an all new life with Him.

Have no idea what this will mean in terms of blogging, although I do have some unfinished business with North Korea.