"Before and After”

Most of us who have lived more than a few decades (and many who are much younger) can divide our life into one or two dramatic “before” and “after” moments. This comes as no surprise. The history of humanity hinges on the generations of “Before Christ” and the 2,000-plus years “After Christ.”

For every born-again Christian, there must be the before and after of the cross. This is a miracle for all and an earthquake event for some (think Saul of Tarsus). The Bible speaks to this in 2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

After my salvation, there are two dates in my life which separate my personal history into “before” and “after.” The first is June 28^th, 2004. And, in all honesty, this is more my husband’s event than mine. But in the case of husbands and wives, these moments are often shared. On June 28^th, 2004, approximately four months before our wedding, my husband was involved in a car wreck that changed EVERYTHING. It would be two years before all the follow-up surgeries were completed, and many consequences continue with us.

The next date marked clearly on my calendar is April 23^rd. On April 23, 2020, I gave birth to a precious, beautiful, created by God baby girl whose body was broken by Trisomy 18. When I look back now, it is as though I lived a whole separate life within a life during the months of March – May 2020. Many of you have suffered loneliness and fear in your own wilderness of affliction.

What does God say to us about trials like these? The ones that cut our lives in two, and leave us with the piece from before, and the part that is after? And specifically, how can we experience the memories and yet have peace in the remembering?

The first rule of remembering is Christ at the center. This is a very practical, intentional choice. For example, in Exodus 13:3, Moses was talking to the children of Israel about the great day of their deliverance from Egypt, when God moved them from bondage to freedom. “And Moses said unto the people, Remember this day, in which ye came out from Egypt, out of the house of bondage; for by strength of hand the Lord brought you out from this place: there shall no leavened bread be eaten.” What we’re remembering is the strength of the hand of the Lord at that darkest hour, that bitterest moment. Look for the Savior at the center of every memory. I love David’s words in Psalm 77: “And I said, This is my infirmity (Own the trial!): but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High. I will remember the works of the Lord: surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.” Remember the divine help and the grace of God in your time of difficulty before allowing your mind to wander over the paths of the past.

Secondly, remember that you are a child of the Father. Romans 8:14-15 communicates this truth in a powerful way: “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.” There are many things in life over which we may grieve (the loss of a loved one, a breakup or a divorce, major life transitions, inability to achieve a goal or fulfill a dream, a friendship lost, a diagnosis, moving to a new location, losing a job or changing careers, etc.), but those memories can hold us in bondage to fear. Instead, we must remember the nearness and dearness of our Abba, Father, Who has made us adopted in the beloved.

How else do we approach the memories of our “before” and “after” moments? The third rule of remembering is courage found in hope. Isaiah 43:18-19 says, “Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.” Have hope that God’s purpose for you continues. Hope is forward-looking faith. Biblical hope allows us to honor precious memories without living in the past. I cannot dwell on the memory of that heartbreaking phone call. It is best not to relive the trauma of facing genetics counselors, neonatal surgical teams, and ultrasound disasters all alone. And it is devastating to compare my experience in April 2020 in a Covid-closed NICU with that of other mamas and their babies. It is far better to put my hand in the Lord’s, His hand that gently led me in and out each day. Be reminded of His goodness! This is the apostle’s meaning in Phil. 3:13-15. “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded.” Surely, I am not forgetting my sweet baby girl. Neither are you called to ignore the realities of life. But you are called to step forward by faith in fellowship with Christ.