There is a lot of preaching in conservative churches about how wives should submit to their husbands. There is far less preaching on Paul's instruction in Ephesians 5:21 about how we are to submit to one another. Scriptural truths taken out of balance lead to heresy. And there is a lot of out-of-balance teaching about a wife's submission to her husband.

At about 37:30 into the message "Power of a Fearful and Fearless Wife," we look at a verse in Proverbs that distinguishes between the "commandments of the father" which are picutred as a lamp and the "laws of the mother" which are pictured as a light. The lamp, of course, is the source of the light. Fathers / husbands are to set some principles that guide the family, but the mother has the responsibility to figure out how to best implement those principles wtih schedules, routines, and rules in the household. For example, the husband can set a principle that the house should be free of clutter and that each morning should begin with an uncluttered house. The wife should set a schedule, for example, that has the children cleaning up at 8:30 p.m. every night before they go to bed. And she might need a once monthly clearing of each room in the house to dispose of un-needed items to take and donate to charity in order to prevent the inevitable accumulation of clutter. (Do you really need 40 coffee cups for a family of 5?)

Problems occur when a husband tries to micro-manage the wife by telling her precisely where things should go, precisely how many of a particular item to have, or precisely when to do certain tasks. This kind of micromanagement assumes that the husband's ideas on how things are to work will automatically work with the wife's personality. But that usually isn't true. The wife has a different spiritual gift and a different way of thinking from the husband. When men micromanage their wives, these ladies feel that they are not valued or trusted.

It may be that sometimes a husband needs to offer some counsel and course correction. But it should be in the form of more general instruction. For example, he could say, "Honey, I notice that our kitchen cabinets aren't closing properly and the shelves are sagging. Could you take some time to declutter the cabinet where the cups and glasses are this week?" That is better than telling her that she can only have 7 coffee cups and 14 glasses and that they should be on the left side of the cabinet closest to the refrigerator. Guys, try to give general encouragement and counsel, rather than overly-detailed instructions which frustrate your wife.

And guys, remember to praise every form of progress in your wife and children. You get more of what you praise. And our wives respond much better to praise and encouragement than they do to criticism and micromanagement.