“In regard to the conduct of others, there is a [loving] disposition to put the best construction on it; to believe that they may be actuated by good motives, and that they intend no injury; and that there is a willingness to suppose, as far as can be, that what is done is done consistently with friendship, good feeling, and virtue. Love produces this, because it rejoices in the happiness and virtue of others, and will not believe the contrary except on irrefragable evidence.” Albert Barnes

Emotional Reactions Are Rarely Based on “Facts”

When we hear a negative story in our church community or even when we don’t hear about something positive, we are tempted to react emotionally rather than lovingly. This emotional reaction can lead to rash decision making, hasty judgments, and unjust treatment of one another. But consider that our emotions are not necessarily based on facts. Rather, they are based on our less than charitable interpretation of the facts. To be more plain, we gather facts and then we string them together into narratives. It is the imaginary narratives regarding one another that wreak havoc on our emotions and on our community.

The Court of Bob

Let me explain with a silly illustration: Suppose Bob’s wife continuously forgets to turn off the lights when leaving a room. While Bob, in contrast, is very intentional with his light usage. In Bob’s mind the fact that she leaves the lights on tells a story, a story of his wife’s disrespect. This unloving story (not the fact of the lights being left on) begins to fester inside of Bob’s mind until one day he snaps.

It was a Monday afternoon. Bob had just returned home from work to find all the lights in the home were left on. You can imagine his thoughts. He has been working hard to provide for this family. While she has once again disrespected him and his wishes– his headship. Anxiety builds in Bob’s chest. Bob’s brow bends. “I’m not angry,” he says out loud to himself. “I’m highly frustrated.” Immediately with tunnel vision and a few self-righteous words, Bob marches through the house violently flipping light switches to the off position. Bob is emotional.

Now, what has caused Bob’s bluster? Is it the fact that the lights are on? Is it the fact that lights cost money? I would submit to you that what makes Bob emotional is not any of the facts. Rather, its a story in his mind loosely based on the fact that the lights are on, a story he firmly believes. More accurately I would say that Bob, like all of us, is sinful and is therefore prone to concoct and believe less than flattering stories about his wife’s actions and motives. The lights are on, and Bob’s wife is condemned in the court of Bob. Bob is judge, prosecutor, jury and executioner. Bob’s wrathful switch flipping is judicial. But there is a serious problem: where is the defense attorney?

Charge of the Light Brigade

Back in church, Bob is telling the story of his wife’s callous indifference to his headship and refusal to properly steward the electricity resources she has been divinely bestowed. Ugh, hasn’t she read the parable of the talents? Now if this goes on long enough we have a genuine faction, the faction of the faithful and the energy efficient, the light brigade. (1 Cor. 11:19)

But, what if we could stop Bob before he gets wound up? How could we get him to take a step back from the “fact” that the lights were on? How could we help him to “believe all things?” I submit that we could help Bob by telling him another story.

What if I were to tell Bob that the lights were left on because his daughter had accidentally taken two sleeping pills left out on the counter the night before by Bob. As a result of ingesting the pills, his daughter had to be rushed to the emergency room by Bob’s wife. What if I were to tell Bob that not only did his wife forget to turn out the lights. She also forgot to lock the front door, clean up the dishes in the sink and even to put on shoes. Bob’s wife is at the emergency room with the police who suspect her for negligent use of narcotics, a passed out child, and bare feet. Meanwhile, Bob is swaggering down the hall swiping at light switches. Oh, and by the way, Bob takes sleeping pills because his “frustration” perpetually keeps him up at night. Now, does this story altar Bob’s emotions?

“Facts” and Stories

So, what just happened there? All I did was tell Bob another story supported by the very same facts with which Bob concocted his unloving story. Which story is true? Neither. His daughter is not in the ER; his wife isn’t leading a light-switch mutiny against his manhood. But, if Bob is going to make up stories about his wife’s actions and motives, he ought imagine charitable ones. If he is going to interpret the facts, he ought to interpret them in a way that builds unity not division. He ought to “believe all things.”

For the Love of One Another

In 1 Cor. 13:7 the Apostle Paul teaches us the nature of love when he says, “Love believes all things.” I have always struggled with what this means but now I believe that love demands we step back from the “facts” that we learn about each other and imagine to ourselves a more loving and positive story. That is, let us believe the best of each other. In this, we will not only be called Christ Church, we will be Christ Church.

For the love of One Another,